I Never Want to Talk to You Again

The county where I am currently working has one of the most wretched computer systems in creation.  Everything is messy: it is just workaround on top of workaround.  There are so many places where you can do real damage.  For example, how do you handle a new salary schedule?  Just overwrite the old one.

And customer service?  Well it is excellent.  For example, county staff will come on site if you have a retroactive pay raise, to ensure you don’t set off any landmines.

You will find that you are calling them often.  They are courteous and prompt.  And I hate it.

True customer satisfaction means never having a problem where you need to involve customer support.  I don’t want to know you personally.  I don’t want to put you on speed dial, or know where you went on vacation.

There is a TV commercial where the copier is so bad that the repair guy is mistaken for an employee of the company. Yeah, we don’t want you to be that guy.

The Maytag repairman is the other side of the coin.  No-one gets to know that poor lonely guy (so the commercial goes) because no-one ever needs him.  If you are to believe Maytag, they have been all about customer experience even before it was a buzzword.

We needed our hands to be held for a retroactive pay raise, because as soon as you enter new salary tables, retroactive pay entries are created.  Whoa.  No edit of the entry?  No second person checking that the new salaries are entered correctly?  No salary table “as of” date.  No connecting positions to new tables and then telling the system to “create entries?”  If you do it wrong their excellent folks in the IT department will courteously clean it up for you.

Thanks for being so nice, but really, I never want to talk to you again!


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